what hides beneath the surface

I don’t want pity

but telling people would make them understand

Why I am quiet and unresponsive sometimes

But other times I am happy and uplifting

I forgot what happy feels like,

and I’m tired of not being noticed;

I’m tired of being sad.

I can’t explain why I feel this way

It’s a feeling that washes over me like a tidal wave

I am drowning; the wave is not pulling back

This is not a normal ocean

The waters are black

There is litter; but instead of trash and plastic

it is my secrets, others’ secrets

It is my lies

But what lies at the bottom is

like the treasure chest a pirate finds

the pot of gold a leprechaun guards

It is the real me

The me I hide when I’m with anyone other than myself

I haven’t been me in so long

I am afraid I’ve lost the most valuable part of me

All for nothing.